AND YOU THINK YOUR JOB BLOWS
The retired superintendent at the Metrodome told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he used to adjust the stadium's air-conditioning in the late innings of close games. When the Twins were losing, said Dick Ericson, "you'd want to be blowing all the air out and up as much as you can."
AND IT'S PURPLE, AND IT WEIGHS EIGHT CARATS
After being treated for a kidney stone, Lakers coach Phil Jackson said, "When the anesthesiologist leaned over me, he said, 'We named your kidney stone Kobe because it's not passing.' "
NUT FINDS SQUIRREL
Twiggy the Water-Skiing Squirrel tours America, providing entertainment and promoting water safety. "Twiggy's gonna be the Smokey the Bear of water safety," her owner, Lou Ann Best, told The Washington Post. "Maybe the next president or the next Billy Graham will be saved because Twiggy taught him to use a life jacket."
NO ONE WAS INJURED, THANKS TO TWIGGY THE WATER-SKIING SQUIRREL
A car traveling on Interstate 77 near Charlotte was struck by an airborne speedboat that had flown out of nearby Lake Norman.
CRIME DOES PAY-ABOUT $4 AN HOUR
A burglar in Tampa spent a week digging a 40-foot tunnel into a Sports Authority store, making off with $3,500 in sneakers, children's gear and Buccaneers jerseys during a predawn heist.
THE YELLOW ROSE OF SOWETO
According to news reports, South African boxer Dingaan (the Rose of Soweto) Thobela abandoned his bout with Mads Larsen—fleeing his hotel and leaving his luggage—upon seeing the imposing physique of his heavily tattooed opponent.
COED SHA VEDOWN? WASN'T THAT AKAZTADANOFILM?
Officials in Campbell, Calif., ended the city-sponsored swim teams' longstanding, "team-building" tradition of coed "shavedowns" among 14-to-17-year-olds in a community center locker room.
AFTER WHICH HE WAS PROMPTLY HIRED AS A TALK-RADIO HOST
A man alleged to have thrown screaming tantrums at Shea Stadium was charged with stalking Mets general manager Steve Phillips and ordered to undergo a psychiatric examination.
IN JOHN DALY'S HOUSEHOLD, THAT'S KNOWN AS THE DAILY COMMUTE
A 22-year-old woman was charged with drunken driving in Goshen, Ind., after she stole a golf cart from Black Squirrel Golf Club, drove erratically down several roads, pulled into a driveway and passed out.
ANOTHER REASON NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE
John Roche was charged with leaving a profanity-laced death threat on the answering machine of Kobe Bryant's accuser. A friend described Roche as a "sports fanatic" who had been drinking all day at a golf tournament before making the call.