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TOO TRUE To Be Good
Steve Rushin
December 29, 2003
All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base
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December 29, 2003

Too True To Be Good

All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base

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I AM ALSO CHAFING, AND IN DESPERATE NEED OF A DIAPER CHANGE
After signing three-year-old Mark Walker to an endorsement contract, Reebok ran ads on its website in which the basketball prodigy declares, "I am Reebok."

THREE-YEAR-OLDS WITH SNEAKER DEALS? WHAT'S NEXT, BETTING LINES ON 12-YEAR-OLDS?
Several online gambling sites offered odds, and accepted bets, on the Little League World Series.

RIGHT, AND SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SOCCER STARS ARE DRIVING LUXURY SEDANS
A seven-year-old in East Hartford, Conn., was stopped by police during the evening rush hour while driving a Lexus home from soccer practice.

SURE, AND 14-YEAR-OLD SOCCER STARS GET MILLION-DOLLAR NIKE CONTRACTS
Fourteen-year-old soccer star Freddy Adu signed a $1 million contract with Nike and a reported $500,000 contract to play for D.C. United.

IN HER DEFENSE, SHE DID HAVE 10 GRAND RIDING ON THE GAME
Police in Wakefield, Mass., charged a mother—who denies any wrongdoing—with assault and battery for beating and kicking an 11-year-old boy who rooted against her son's Little League baseball team.

HE'S TAKING IT TO THE HOUSE! AND, QUITE POSSIBLY, TO THE SENATE!
The House Judiciary Committee of the U.S. Congress held a hearing on the Bowl Championship Series.

PUTTING THE GUN BACK IN RUN N'GUN
A 46-year-old man in Pinson, Ala., was charged with attempted murder for grazing his son's ear with a pistol shot following the Crimson Tide's double-overtime football loss to Arkansas. Said a Jefferson County sheriff's spokesman, "We're passionate about our sports, but that's crossing the line."

HEY, THEY'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT THEIR SPORTS
Budget cuts forced the Alabama Department of Public Safety to limit its statewide, nighttime highway patrol to five or six troopers, though as many as 17 provide security at every home game for the state's college football teams.

HE ALMOST ADOLPH RUPP-TURED HER SPLEEN
A 38-year-old Kentucky woman sued her doctor—a Kentucky medical school graduate and basketball booster—for allegedly branding UK on her uterus during a hysterectomy.

TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT, WHO DO WE INCARCERATE?
Police in Omaha detained a 74-year-old man for taking pictures of cheerleaders, and cheerleaders only, at high school basketball games.

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