SI Vault
Bill Scheft
March 01, 2004
I need to check with City Hall, but I believe right now that the only two men in San Francisco trying to break up are Barry Bonds and his personal trainer.
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March 01, 2004

The Show

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But don't kid yourself. This trade has all kinds of financial windfalls for the Rangers. Just yesterday, demand at The Ballpark souvenir shop forced them to order three more Hank Blalock jerseys.

Red Sox fans are still distraught over the deal. I heard Ben Affleck was furious. I missed it because his reaction went straight to video.


He had been on the injured list since last year's playoffs. First, he underwent surgery to repair torn cartilage in his left knee; then, just as he recovered from that, his meniscus was found in contempt. Elsewhere, Rasheed Wallace was pulled in his debut for the Pistons because the NBA hadn't received documentation of the trade. On the bright side, it's a nice change to have the league looking for papers, instead of Rasheed.

Speaking of which, technically, shouldn't Rasheed's Hawks jersey be considered a throwback?

A man who attacked the Magic's mascot last Friday was charged with battery and resisting arrest. It took police three stun gun shots before they were able to drag him out of the O-rena. And he still wasn't as tough to move as Juwan Howard.


Mario Lemieux is so desperate, he's now looking for available rinks in San Juan.

Elsewhere, Brett Hull tied the career record for power-play goals. Savvy fans at Joe Louis Arena gave him a standing ovation that lasted just under two minutes.

In his State of the NHL address, commissioner Gary Bettman said revenue sharing would be a necessity. I'm no Sam Waksal, but before you have have revenue sharing, wouldn't it be nice to have a, uh, profit?

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