Meanwhile, gas prices are headed through the roof, everyone in the Middle East hates us, Toronto and Seattle are in last place—happy 1978, everybody!
NFL 2004 SCHEDULE RELEASED
For the first time in the show's 35-year history, neither Oakland nor San Francisco will appear on Monday Night Football. Thanks a lot, BALCO.
The Bengals will play their first Monday-night game in 12 years and their first one at home since 1989. It's the longest ban in Cincinnati that wasn't caused by allegations from Tommy Gioiosa.
NO DEFENSE OF STANLEY CUP
Be honest. Did you ever think the Devils would have their season finale before Friends did?
Elsewhere, the Canucks won Game 6 in triple OT after blowing a 4-0 lead to Calgary. You know what would be great? If Vancouver police dropped the Todd Bertuzzi case and started investigating whether the way the Flames came from behind was premeditated.
The Canucks seemed confused. They thought it was best-of-seven goalies.
MASTERS RATINGS LOWEST SINCE 1993
CBS attributes the drop to three factors: Easter weekend, the 1:30 final-round start and Kirk Triplett's dorky hat.