Ever munched on a gyro? Sipped ouzo? Smashed a plate on the floor while dancing?
If so, you, too, might be able to compete in the Athens Olympics.
No, no, not for the U.S.
Thanks to a very stupid rule, all kinds of Americans will be donning the ol' blue and white of Greece in the Summer Games, and most of them have never set a sandal in the place.
Once upon a time, somebody at the IOC with moussaka for brains decided that the host country of an Olympics should field a team in every sport, even for a sport that the natives don't know from a Macy's purse sale.
If you brought a baseball mitt into most restaurants in Athens, they'd start trying to slice it up as overcooked leg of lamb. Until recently there were only two baseball diamonds in the entire nation, and both of those are on abandoned American military bases. Yet Greece has a team in the Olympics!
Of course, the Greeks don't particularly want to take the world's stage looking like nine drunk guys chasing a bee. Answer? Yank in some Yanks! The Greek government says that if you, your parents, your grandparents or even your great-grandparents were born in Greece, you can compete for the Greek Olympic team—even if all you know about the Odyssey is that it has 11 cup holders.
You may have watched only half of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The only Greek you ever heard of may be Jimmy The. The closest you may have come to Greece is working the fry vat at White Castle. The IOC doesn't give a fig!
Find an old baptismal certificate, get dual citizenship and you, too, can walk into the Olympic Stadium last during the Opening Ceremonies as a proud, fake Greek.