Different Tiger, Different Rules

Usually, he is not still in it. Lately, he is two bus transfers and a $12 cab ride away from it. Last Saturday night he was nine shots back and in 19th place after three rounds, yet he said, "If the wind blows and I play a great round, I can still win."

Yes, if the wind blows the players' hotel over and everybody else is trapped until Monday, then he'd win it.

4. No more superstar treatment until he gives us superstar golf again.

Since he won the U.S. Open two years ago at Bethpage, Woods has two crummy top 10 finishes in the last eight majors. That gets you a courtesy car and a room at the Red Roof Inn, tops. Why should Tiger get any more swag than, say, Fred Funk, who has three top 10s in the last eight majors?

Even Nick Price has two, and he retired years ago.

5. No more excuses.

Tiger's got a million. At the 2003 Masters (15th place) he said, "The grass being as sticky as it is, if you make a mistake, you're going to pay the price." Sticky grass? This week he whined about the hard greens. "That golf course got out of control," he said.

Sell it somewhere else, cowboy. It was hard for everybody. In fact, it was easier for Woods. The USGA syringed the 7th green intermittently on Sunday, and his group was one that got it freshly watered and he made par. So zipit.com.

6. No more gripping hole-by-hole TV coverage of Tiger's 74s.

Woods wasn't within a time zone of the lead last week, yet he was on TV more than the Verizon guy. If Tiger is in the hunt, fine. Otherwise, he's on the crawl at the bottom of the screen—deal?