O.K., Here are the new Tiger Rules. Digest, then swallow.
Rule 1. No more quoting Tiger Woods saying, "I'm close."
Sorry, he's not close. Woods has gone eight straight majors without a win. He hasn't been in the top 15 of a major since last July. Tiger's a nice golfer, but at this point he's basically Kirk Triplett.
Woods was at it again on Sunday at the U.S. Open at Shinnecock after finishing in 17th place, 14 shots behind the kind of guy he used to pick out of his teeth, Retief Goosen. He said, "So many times I'm just one yard off."
Dude, you finished two shots behind an amateur.
Tiger hasn't broken an egg since he switched to Nike clubs two years ago. Maybe he's not a yard off. Maybe he's a yard sale off.
2. No more gnashing of teeth over, Will Tiger get his swing back?
Who cares? Everybody in golf knows that Tiger's swing is more blocked than a new Stetson. And there are more people than his fired coach, Butch Harmon, who can fix it. "I've got 10 guys on my staff who could get Tiger going on the right path again in 30 minutes," says a very famous swing coach on Tour. "It's obvious to all of us what he's doing, but he won't make the change."
Earth to golf: Let it go. You can give a superstar a straw, but you can't make him suck.
3. No more believing Tiger when he says he's "still in it."