Good to be here. I missed the ESPYs. Help me out. Who won the award for Best BALCO Chemist?
ERNIE TAKES AN "EL" AT BRITISH OPEN
The world's No. 2 golfer lost in a four-hole playoff to unknown American Todd Hamilton. Wait. Wasn't Todd Hamilton the name of the guy who won the U.S. Figure Skating Championships?
Tiger Woods climbed back into contention with a strong 68 in the third round. I'm no Butch Harmon, but maybe he had to go to Great Britain to start driving on the other side.
Troon looked a little strange. You call this a British Open? What's with the green greens?
SHAQ ERA ENDS IN LOS ANGELES
So, this explains all the black armbands at In-N-Out Burger.
The Heat acquired O'Neal in exchange for three players and a draft pick. Shaq is all set for South Beach. He's already changed his free throw from brick to stucco.
Kobe Bryant decided to remain with the Lakers after the team gave him about $30 million more than what the Clippers were offering. It wasn't easy to come up with the money. At the last minute they had to raid the Buss family's emergency plastic surgery fund.
IN CASE YOU WEREN'T WATCHING (AND YOU WEREN'T). AL WINS ALL-STAR GAME