That was the Democrats' convention? Pbbbbbbbt. Not impressed. Duller than Al Gore's underwear drawer. Do you know why?
Because the Democrats lack the secret weapon of this election, the one guy who can bring this country together again, the surefire deal-sealer only the Republicans have.
No, not Florida governor Jeb Bush.
King and his Viagra hair and his Eveready tongue have been going around the country with Republican National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie, trying to corral more African-American voters for President Bush.
Yes, that Don King! The guy with the hair that looks as if it's trying to flee his brain as soon as possible! The boxing boss who once said, so movingly, "I have gone from the guttermost to the uttermost!"
O.K., so maybe you don't think it's so smart to have the President officially endorsed by a man who's killed two men and done four years in the slam. But don't forget—one of those killings was in self-defense and the other wound up as manslaughter. And keep in mind, that second guy owed him $600.
And maybe it makes your hair stand on end that the President has a guy stumping for him who's been investigated by three separate grand juries. But as King put it in 1999, "Indictment is my middle name. This is America, man. Catching has to come before hanging."
And is he appreciative of not being hanged? Very much so! After one jury acquitted him of insurance fraud in 1998, he took them and their families to the Bahamas! Now that's a uniter!
And maybe if you were the President, you wouldn't be so knocked out to get the backing of a former numbers runner who was questioned by a Senate committee investigating a possible link to mobster John Gotti in 1992, who was a target of an FBI sting operation in '99 and who has been sued by a host of fighters he's represented, including Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson and, last week by IBF heavyweight champ Chris Byrd, for $63 million.