It is a source of
confusion and embarrassment to me that I am just now writing about my
participation in the Chet Atkins Country Gentleman Celebrity Golf Tournament,
which was held at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga., last September.
It has taken this
long for the experience to sink in, or hole out (I can never get golf terms
straight). The truth is, the tournament itself was a source of confusion and
embarrassment to me. Of course, so is life.
But at least in
life I don't get into the wrong golf cart.
At the Chet
Atkins Country Gentleman Celebrity Golf Tournament, I did that several times.
Got into the wrong golf cart. Used the wrong club. Hit the ball off into the
woods where everybody had to help me find it, and then sat down in somebody
else's golf cart. Also put my clubs in the wrong...what do you call it? Bag. I
knew that. The wrong bag. I think that's how I lost a three-wood. I understand
it's fairly common to lose a wedge, but a three-wood, no.
I told Chet, when
he called to invite me, "Chet, I'd be proud to be in your tournament, but I
can't play golf."
straightforward statement: "I can't play golf."
believes it. It's like "I can't sing." Nobody believes it until you
So I went down to
Callaway Gardens, and they asked me what my handicap was. I said, "I can't
play golf." And they laughed and sat there with their pencils poised, and I
said, "Well, if you want me to narrow it down any more than that, I guess I
will soon enough." And I did. Right out there on the course. I found out
what my handicap was. It was 86. Not counting water.
But first I met
my four partners. I told them, "Hi, howdy, hey, nice to meet you. I can't
chuckled. Thought I was hustling them, I guess. I mean, there I was, with my
Chet Atkins Country Gentleman Celebrity Golf Tournament visor and my Chet
Atkins Country Gentleman Celebrity Golf Tournament shirt and my white golf
shoes. I had bought the white golf shoes at the pro shop. With black rubber
cleats, not metal spikes. I figured, where will I ever wear shoes with metal
nails sticking out of them? Whereas I might be able to wear white shoes with
black rubber cleats to a reception, or something.