- TOP PLAYERSOffensePABLO S. TORRE | August 20, 2012
- TAMPA BAY buccaneersENEMY lines WHAT A RIVAL COACH SAYSJune 28, 2012
- Faces in the CrowdJune 11, 2001
?The parking lots. Oklahoma's has 'Vettes. Trans Ams. Basic all-American Monte Carlos. The Boz's Jeep. Good meat-and-potatoes vee-hickles. Take a look at UCLA's parking lot. There is no parking lot! But up against the fence there are about a dozen Jim McMahon- Honda scooters, all put there by Bruins. Scooters! How you gonna win a national championship drivin' a damn scooter?
?Trying to out-Boz the Boz. UCLA players had had it up to here with Brian (the Boz) Bosworth, the multitalented, multiquoted, multi-Clairoled (his newest creation: "The Rainbow Warrior," with four stripes—yellow, black, red and yellow—on one side of his head), multimedia machine and part-time linebacker for Oklahoma. "I know plenty of players who are better than him and don't get near the attention," said UCLA defensive tackle Frank Batchkoff, who spat Bozishly into OU quarterback Jamelle Holieway's face on one play to protest. "Boz thinks he's so new wave. You tell me, how can he be new wave and live in Norman, Oklahoma? He gets a new haircut, some Vuarnets, throws mousse in his hair, and he thinks he's King Freak. Man, if he came to Hollywood, he'd be swept under the carpet. We've got guys that make Boz look like a candy store clerk."
"Candy store clerk?" said King Freak, suddenly looking combustible and starting to pull the restaurant table out of its moorings. "Man, at least we don't wear pastels. [This word is said with the utmost disdain.] That's their color, isn't it? Pastel blue and gold? And the football they play. Man, I hate it. They don't come right at you like Nebraska and say, 'Look, let's see who's the strongest [expletive, having to do with relatives] and settle this.' They try to finesse you, pansy you. Man, they play girls' football."
Boz had nine tackles (all on boys) and two highlight clips to stop sweeps for losses before heading to the bench and the ABC Mini-Cam in the third quarter.
Donahue had been saying, "The Oklahoma game is not the beginning and the end of our season," but, privately, he had been worried. This, of course, was not the state of mind of Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, known around Norman these halcyon days as "the King." The King comes right out and says it: "National championships are our goal," as if it's a hat he's daring you to knock off. He wants his fourth bad. Not that Donahue hasn't proved himself to be as good a coach as Switzer, or near to him, at least. In the last four years Donahue is only one loss—Saturday's—behind him in winning percentage. The King doesn't soft-pedal national-scope nonconference games like Kid Donahue, because the King has a few things Donahue and the rest of the country don't have, all of which were about to become horrifically apparent to the rest of the nation.
"Our goal is to hang half a hundred every Saturday," said offensive guard Mark Hutson, one-fifth of the Sooner cattle drive that left fresh hoofprints on Bruin chests every 25 seconds or so. On their first drive, the Sooners went 18 plays. Kicked a field goal. On their third drive, they went 12 plays. Scored a touchdown. For the half, they kept the UCLA defense on the field twice as long as its offense. For the game, they opened up cavernous holes that, as OU halfback Spencer Tillman put it, " Ray Charles could've run through." Nine different OU backs got 27 yards or more. The Sooners had more than half as many yards rushing (470) as UCLA gave up all of last year (855).
Had it not been for a leaky first-quarter pass by Holieway that was swiped and returned 72 yards, OU would have had a shutout. As it was, Boz and the Boys snuffed them on three straight downs, leaving UCLA's David Franey to make a dilapidated 28-yard field goal to tie it at 3-3. After that, except for garbage time, UCLA never entered OU's half of the field and, by then, Holieway had run the bone down their esophagi, sprinting for a six-yard TD himself, pitching to Patrick Collins for a touchdown and giving it to Leon Perry for another and a 24-3 third-quarter lead.
'Twas sweet for Southern Californian sophomore Holieway, he with the Vuitton pouch under his arm, the Zales store on his ears (three earrings on one ear alone) and the 9-0 record in his pocket. "This is great," he said. "Now I can just keep talkin' the way I talk back home."
"They were just too light for us," said Switzer. Said Stevens, "We'll be back. We always come back." And it's true. Donahue and his GLB (Gutty Little Bruins) always seem to emerge from their own personal smog and sneak in the back tunnel at the Rose Bowl. Three years ago. Donahue started 0-3-1 (including one of those Nebraska nightmares) and wound up riding out on shoulders at Pasadena. A year ago, he started 2-1-1 and wound up ninth in the country. Donahue is like pokeweed: You cut him low and he just comes back stronger.
And, unlike 10 other head coaches, Donahue at least has OU over with. Right about now, the rest of them are staring at bedroom ceilings wondering just how ruinous the Sooners could be. Let's hope they don't think about this: When Holieway went out, supersub Eric Mitchel, the best athlete on the roster, came in and immediately danced a 10-yard, see-it-to-believe-it arabesque of a touchdown, then garnished it with another TD drive later—and all against the Bruins' No. 1 defense. Then became out.