Which raises the question: If you can't spit and you can't swear, is football even worth playing?
COACHING BLUNDER OF THE WEEK
After Rice took a 14-0 lead over Lamar in the second quarter, Owls coach Jerry Berndt called for an onside kick, which failed. That goof changed Demon Mo, and by halftime the score was 14-14. Rice ultimately overcame Berndt and prevailed 28-14 to gain its first season-opening victory since 1977.
MICHIGAN OPPONENTS: PLEASE POST
Wolverine middle guard Billy Harris, cautiously evaluating his team's prospects: "There's no doubt in anyone's mind that we're going to win the national championship. We're like the Chicago Bears—we're ready to make videos, do the Rose Bowl Shuffle. The guys on the offensive line are animals. The defense is sound. And the Big Ten is not as strong."
When Texas A & M meets LSU in Baton Rouge on Saturday night, it will be the first time the Aggies will have played on real grass since Jackie Sherrill took over as coach in 1982....
Most Unique Summer Experience Award (that we can talk about on these pages) goes to Arizona defensive tackle Jim Birmingham, who was picked out of an audience in Thailand to be the goalie while elephants tried to kick soccer balls past him. "They kicked the ball so fast," says Birmingham, "but they only scored once on me."
...Cal claims the college player with the longest name: defensive tackle Gerardus Mauritius Natuitasina Tuatagaloa. Broadcasters are so pleased....
The Harrisburg Patriot-News polled readers on who should start at quarterback for Penn State: erratic incumbent John Shaffer or his '85 backup, Matt Knizner. Shaffer got 73 votes while Knizner got 355. Coach Joe Paterno called the poll "bush" and named Shaffer the starter....
Family and friends of Jeff George, Purdue's highly touted freshman quarterback, have bought a block of 240 season tickets costing $20,160. With a Purdue scholarship valued at $4,279 a year, or $17,116 for four years, George repaid his debt to the school before he threw his first Boilermaker pass.
MAKING HIS MARK