Miami Vice Twice

Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen. And now, if we can just get started with the slide show, it's time to introduce America's new No. 1 college football team, the Miami Hurricanes. Please hold your applause until the end.

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This is their coach, Jimmy Johnson, a terrific guy, though some think he's a bit heavy on the styling mousse. What do they know? When the real hurricane season hits town, it's nice to know your hair isn't budging. One of his pals is...

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... Don King, whose hair always looks as if it's in a hurricane. Like King, Johnson says what he wants. For two years running, Johnson has said he has a better team than Oklahoma's, and for two years running he has proved it. The Hurricanes' 28-16 rope-a-doping of the No. 1 Sooners at the Orange Bowl on Saturday was Johnson's biggest win ever, his second installment in the Oklahoma tragedy series, Miami Twice. A lot of credit for the Miami victory goes to...

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...this man, quarterback Vinny Testaverde, who stands 6'5", 4'3" of which is neck and the rest, right arm. Hi-Test, as his receivers call him, filled up on the Sooners, completing 21 of 28 throws for 261 yards and four touchdowns with no interceptions—all of which gave him a 40-yard head start to the best table at the Heisman dinner.

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This is Gladys and me.... No, wait....

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This is Miami's record—not football record but police record. Seems that every week some of these fun-loving student-athletes show up in the wrong section of the newspaper. Remember 1985 All-America tight end Willie Smith, who after deciding to forgo his final year of eligibility to enter the NFL draft, was arrested on cocaine and weapons charges last June? Since then there have been fights and fraud and alleged shoplifting and other unsavory shenanigans involving more than 40 players. Miami may be the only squad in America that has its team picture taken from the front and from the side.

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This is a phone booth. Inside is scrawled an MCI long-distance credit-card number that 34 players used to make about $5,500 worth of free calls, until they got caught. MCI is insisting they pay up, which kills what would have been a great ad campaign. Can't you see it? MCI SAVED US $5,500 ON OUR LONG-DISTANCE PHONE BILL.

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Here are the campus and Coral Gables police forces. On the Wednesday night before the game, 14 cars and one attack dog were outside the Hurricanes' athletic dorm, trying to break up a group of students, including 15 players, who according to the police report, were "whooping and screaming" and having such a good time that they were reluctant to call it a night. Even a Miami assistant coach, Stu Rodgers, called them "uncontrollable." So what chance did Oklahoma have?

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This is Jerome Brown, the Hurricanes' outstanding defensive tackle. Brown's blockade of the middle on Saturday helped debone the 'bone, but he has a predilection for jams. For instance, last February a handgun belonging to Brown was found hidden in a shopping cart outside his dorm room. A few weeks ago he was one of four players driving cars Sonny Crockett would be proud to ride shotgun in. Brown's was a $30,000 black Corvette, which was leased through an NFL agent. University officials are satisfied that the lease wasn't below board. Word is, the NCAA might like a look-see.

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Here's linebacker George Mira Jr., son of the former great Miami quarterback. George Jr. is no slouch himself—he had 11 tackles on Saturday—except that sometimes he loses his temper, like the night last August when campus policemen interceded in an ugly set-to between Mira and his girlfriend, and Mira allegedly assaulted one of the cops. Then police found a bottle of steroids in his truck. He said the steroids belonged to a friend. The drug charge was dropped, and the assault charge was reduced to simple battery. Johnson held Mira out of the first half of the Texas Tech game. Luckily, he was allowed back just in time to help Miami pull out a 61-11 win.