Season For No Reason

Asterisks are everywhere. Who's real and who isn't? Let's see, the Houston Oilers are 6-4 and the Minnesota Vikings are 6-4, but Houston won two of three strike games, and Minnesota lost three of three. Or was it vice versa? The AFC-leading Chargers finally have a defense—thanks to three replacement players who are starting. Who's playing better, Gary Hogeboom for the Colts or Randall Cunningham for the Eagles? Well, Hogeboom's numbers are better, but he crossed the picket line. Then again, Cunningham was on strike for Philadelphia's game against Chicago. Can you imagine picking a Pro Bowl out of this mess? To say nothing of trying to get two worthy Super Bowl teams.

Quick, who are J.T. Smith, Barry Wilburn and Robb Riddick? Answer: The NFL's leading receiver, leading intercepter and, until he went down with a broken right collarbone on Nov. 8, leading scorer, respectively. Do you realize that the Atlanta Falcons' current leader in sacks is a man named Buddy Moor, a replacement player who since the end of the strike has been making his living as a plumber in Lexington, Ky.? It's $35 an hour, lady, or I put the swim move on you.

Test your grasp of current events:

1) After being called for pass interference four times in one game, Miami cornerback William Judson was quoted as saying a) "You've got to be aggressive out there." b) "What's pass interference?" c) "Hi. Welcome to Wendy's. Can I take your order?"

2) Who said, "We stink, period"? a) Chicago coach Mike Ditka, b) the ESPN Sunday night NFL team, c) the AFC East.

3) Scott Campbell, Randy Wright and Bill Kenney are all a) starting NFL quarterbacks, b) figments of your imagination, c) next in line behind Judge Kennedy.

4) The shiniest thing that belongs to Tampa Bay quarterback Vinny Testaverde, the highest-paid rookie in history, is a) his $150,000 speedboat, b) his Heisman Trophy, c) the seat of his pants, because he's still riding the bench.

5) The two teams in Tinseltown a) are 5-19 since Dec. 14 of last year, b) have made fewer hits than the Fox Network, c) have given up more points than the Lakers.

Coast to coast, this has been the year without the most. To wit:

In Dallas the strike, like the oil derricks, has left folks low and dry. "There are some deep wounds in this town," says Dallas Times Herald sports columnist Skip Bayless. "I don't think people are going to forget them for a while." The fans haven't. The biggest crowd to attend a game this season has been for a strike game against the Washington Redskins. Not even Dan Marino, the league's premier passer, could sell out the Hole in the Sky.