? Andy Van Slyke, outfielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates, on failing to hit the ball out of the infield during a recent slump: "They're writing a movie about me. It's called The Summer of 4-to-3."
? Pat Williams, general manager of the NBA's new Orlando Magic franchise, to reporters after Matt Guokas failed to appear at the press conference announcing his hiring as coach: "I can understand your frustrations. In college I took Introduction to Shakespeare, and the guy never showed the whole semester."