36. Sign least likely to be found in New York
At Hotel Cabo San Lucas: WE DO NOT USE KEYS FOR THE ROOMS. LEAVE THE DOOR UNLOCKED. They haven't had a robbery in five years. There are no bandits here.
37. Best place to get a neckache
The baroque monastery and church of Santo Domingo in Oaxaca took 77 years to build and has two three-story altars made of red cedar and covered with gold leaf. I saw, painted or carved into the ceiling, eight Dominican cardinals, four Dominican popes, 48 Dominican martyrs, 48 all-purpose angels, 12 apostles, the genealogical tree of Saint Dominic and numerous stories from the Bible.
38. Best way to make sure Mexico runs out of fish
The Mexican government, once again, has agreed to allow Japanese and Korean long-line and seine fishing in local waters. The long lines, baited every 30 feet or so, can stretch for 40 miles, catching stuff that even the Japanese don't want. "All the Japanese want is 12 percent of what they catch," says Mike Parr, Bud's son, who has been fishing these waters for 30 years. "The rest they throw away."
39. Best hammocks
The ones slung off the veranda of every room at the Hotel Camino Real in Ixtapa are irresistible. The hammocks are shaded during siesta, so you can crawl into one, gaze out on the delicious bay and go to sleep counting all the important calls you're missing.
40. Do you mind if we talk about tourista?
Tourista is like Mexican pottery. Everybody who goes to Mexico comes back with some. Franz has two suggestions: 1) To prevent Montezuma's Revenge, take a tablespoon of Pepto-Bismol three times a day for several days before leaving for Mexico, then two tablespoons a day when you get there. 2) To cure an attack, put eight ounces of fruit juice, half a teaspoon of honey and a little salt in one glass. Put about eight ounces of water (boiled or mineral) and a quarter teaspoon of baking soda in another glass. Drink both of the glasses, alternating sips. Do this about six times a day. You're welcome.
41. How much for the Sears Tower, amigo?
On Dec. 23 in Oaxaca, they have the Night of the Radishes—not a sci-fi movie but a festival in which townspeople set up booths and show off constructions made from radishes—everything from animals to faces to buildings.
42. Biggest coffee-table possibility
The tule tree in Oaxaca is possibly the weirdest tree in the world. The trunk is wider than a street and weighs an estimated 539 tons. The tree is at least 2,000 years old and takes 28 people, touching fingernails, to reach around it.
43. Best place to hang out
Every night at the Acapulco Convention Center, five men dressed in costume climb to the top of a 115-foot pole, to re-enact part of an ancient ritual. One man stands on a 1�-foot-wide plate on the top while the other four tie ropes to their feet and throw themselves off the pole upside down. The plate stander then begins spinning the men around the pole, gradually letting more and more rope out, until their haircuts sweep the ground. Now go see the cliff divers.
44. Best way to give to the Acapulco policemen's ball
It was my last night in town, so I was saying goodbye to the Mexican moon by cruising up and down the lovely Costera Miguel Alem�n Avenue in an open-air, very pink Las Brisas jeep. Because of a serious shortage of clocks (see above), I did not know what time it was. It might have been 1:30 in the morning, but it might have been three. And because speed is a function of time, I think I was doing 30, but it might have been 60. Then again, I didn't care. My only purpose in life was to see how far the clean Pacific air could bend my eyebrows back.