Hey, Tyson, I'm The Man!

My main job now is hype. The promoter tells me I should promise to "make Mike Tyson fall." I promise that I'm going to make Mike Tyson fall. I've worked on a sequence of scowls and grimaces in the mirror to show that I mean business.

"You're older than George Foreman," the reporters say in their tired, singsong voices.

"I'm in better shape than George Foreman," I reply. "Can anyone say that I'm not?"

"You've done nothing more than type for most of your adult life."

"Is there a better workout for developing strong fingers?"

"You don't know what you're doing."

"Ah, but neither does anyone else."

Too bad. Tyson must fall. I'm The Man.