How to Take a Biscuit Apart and Put It Back Just Like It Was
Gerald Holland
September 18, 1961
He used to coach pro football (he was named professional coach of the year in 1948), he was a superb all-round athlete in his youth, he is a piano player, singer and speechmaker extraordinary. He has acted in musical comedies, he is currently the vice-president of a leading advertising agency, and when he sings his song about this great scientific breakthrough you know that if anybody could do it, the irrepressible Jimmy Conzelman is your man
Conzelman roared on, comparing the biscuit's dismantling to Rudolph Valentino's way with women and Daniel's taming of the lions in their den. Then he concluded rousingly:
"Now some men of science came to my house,
"On a scientific call,
"They said, 'We've heard of your wonderful feat,
" 'And we think it's a stall.'
"I said, 'Gentlemen, follow me, to the dining room please come,
" 'I'll show you how I take a biscuit apart and put it back without losing a crumb.'
"Well, they stared at me in amazement and one said, 'On my heart!
" 'I believe that with years of study I could learn to take a biscuit apart!'
"I said, 'The chances are you could, but here's one important fact: