"Let's face it," he tells his blockers. "The reason that you're playing offense is because you aren't good enough to play defense. When you play guard, it's because you aren't smart enough to be a quarterback, not fast enough to be a halfback, not rugged enough to be a fullback, not big enough to be a tackle, and don't have the hands to be an end."
But he makes up for this bluntness by his indignation at the fact that the guards never do get adequate credit for their contributions to the game.
"There is no justice," says Bestwick. "If a halfback makes a great run, it's all him. If he's thrown for a loss, it's all because the blockers broke down. If a quarterback throws a touchdown pass, you know what they say about that. When a quarterback gets clobbered, you know who gets the blame."
To reward his guards, whom he calls "root hogs," the coach has invented a "Super Sow Award," which he bestows weekly. It's a plastic pig.
SPORT: JUNIOR DIVISION
At age 3, Peter David Stoneham, grandson of Horace Stoneham, owner of the San Francisco Giants, already knows his baseball. At Stuart Hall School, the teacher held up one finger of her left hand. "That's one," she said, then held up one finger of her right hand.
"Can anyone tell me what this adds up to?" she asked.
Peter David's hand popped up.
"A ball and a strike," he said.