When the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Philadelphia Eagles 6-3 last Sunday in Pittsburgh, they lost the O. J. Simpson Super Bowl. The Steelers-Eagles game was a match made in hell, or at least in the basement, but its stakes were high. Since both teams entered the game winless and deadlocked for last place in all of pro football, the Eagles, by refusing to depart from form, gained the inside track on the first pick in the postseason player draft—an opportunity to claim Southern Cal's precious O. J.
From the attitude of Pittsburgh fans during the weeklong buildup to the contest, however, you would not have guessed that so much was at stake. Not only did the term "Futility Bowl" gain wide currency, but the word around town was that both teams would run onto the field backward.
Thus do Steelers fans stave off their despair—thus, and by leaving early. Since spectators at Steelers games have been departing Pitt Stadium in droves during the third quarter of most games, saloon wits had advice for persons holding tickets to the Futility Bowl: "Wait till the game is over and beat the crowd." If such black humor spreads to Philadelphia, O. J. may start trying to figure a way to beat the draft.
STANDS ON LAND
Democratic incumbent Bert Cole has 52 years' experience as commissioner of public lands in the state of Washington, but as a campaigner he is a little stuffy, at least in comparison with his opponent, Richard A.C. Greene.
Greene, a big, round-faced, bespectacled Republican with a thick black mustache, promises to return law and order to Washington's forests by requiring deer hunters to stop shooting each other. His other stands include:
On Indian fishing rights, "Individual catches will be limited to four Indians." On land use, "Land should be used gently but firmly." On Whidbey Island, " Whidbey Island must be replaced." On Quilcene oysters, "Baked at high heat with a little chive, parsley, garlic and wine...."
A Seattle newspaper has called Greene's campaign a joke, and overseeing a state's land is to be sure no laughing matter, although many of the things that happen to America's diminishing store of unused land are absurd. But Greene, who trounced three other Republicans in the September primary, says he's serious. "If elected, I shall be the sort of land commissioner who will go out fearlessly and commission the land."