What about players wearing long hair?
"I'm not going to fuss around with a guy's barber if he can hit the ball. But I sure as hell don't want to see any of my players walking to the plate with beards. Why do you ask such stupid questions? How much snow you got in Maine? Is my camp at the Miramichi all right? Check it out for me. Give Roy McKay a call in Canada and tell him to keep the roof shoveled."
What about your coaching staff?
"One of them won't be you, you can bet on that. I might hire Lloyd Clark, if he was available, but he's too good a game warden. That was some picture of Lloyd with those bobcats in your paper last week. How much did those three cats weigh? One hundred pounds? Wow. I don't know about coaches yet. I'm going to lean very hard on that little guy, Nellie Fox."
What about Vince Lombardi taking over the Washington Redskins?
"That's great. He's an organizer. Look at the staff he's put together. Now, if I could get Al Dark to coach first base, Eddie Stanky to handle third and Walter Alston to sit beside me on the bench, I'd be in pretty good shape."
How are your wife and your six-month-old son, John Henry?
"They're fine, just fine. The kid's going to be a good hitter. He steps right up to the milk bottle and draws hard. Listen, I gotta go. Fishing's lousy here but I'm going out for a few hours. I have to get away from you wolves. Oops, I have to keep reminding myself to be nice to you knights of the keyboard. Give my love to your commanding general [Mrs. Leavitt] and the two girls. Say hello to everybody up there, and keep your snow shovel handy."
WITH ORANGE SAUCE, PLEASE
The Ducks Unlimited office in Chicago is getting some strange telephone calls these days. The conservation organization's phone number apparently is only one finger-lickin' click away from the number of a carry-out restaurant called "Chicken Delight."