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SCORECARD
September 22, 1969
CARPETBAGGERS
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September 22, 1969

Scorecard

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In the wake of Arnold Palmer's momentary (it is hoped) retirement from the golfing wars has come an armada of suggestions from concerned admirers, recommending sure cures for his ailing hip. "One letter suggested I drink a bottle of Squirt every day," Palmer said. "That was it. Just one bottle of Squirt daily." Since one of Palmer's many commercial affiliations is with Coca-Cola, he passed up the Squirt. Besides, he had plenty of other cures to try, if he wanted. One lady told him that she got over bursitis by taking a cod-liver oil capsule each day. She thinks it lubricated her joints. A Pennsylvania woman phoned to recommend one-fourth of a teaspoon of Sal Hepatica before each meal and at bedtime. She emphasized that she was a medical technician and not a nut and that she herself had obtained complete relief from bursitis in both shoulders and hips with the treatment. A man from Oregon said the bursitis pain in his shoulders eased off when he began eating grapefruit each morning, but he said he didn't know if grapefruit worked for hips.

Palmer's favorite suggestion was first recommended to him in 1966, when he began to have his hip trouble. A man wrote and said he had cured his bursitis by carrying a potato in his pocket. Palmer politely thanked him at the time, said his hip was feeling better but that he would keep the remedy in mind in case the trouble recurred. After it did recur and Palmer had to withdraw from the PGA tournament, the man wrote again, resuggesting the potato treatment. He admitted that it "isn't a quick cure and might not work for you. You would know it in a couple of weeks. But, if the potato does calcify, you might use about four or five of them by the end of the year and you might just possibly be ready for the Masters next year."

NEEDLE
Still having trouble at your course with golfers who dawdle over every shot? You might take a tip from the Wollaston Golf Club near Boston, which has a sign at the first tee that reads: SLOW PLAY UNNECESSARY. ONLY LAST FOUR HOLES TELEVISED.

OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE

Motorcycle fans at Ascot Park in Los Angeles were treated to a race the other night that definitely was not listed in their programs. The entrants were two ambulances, the ones that are always at the ready in front of the grandstand. (Two are kept on hand so that one will be available when the other is off on its way to the hospital.)

"The drivers must have been bored," said a spectator. "There hadn't been a crash on the track for quite a while." In any case, when a cycle finally did spill, both ambulances roared into action and sped around the track. Their race ended in a tie, sort of, when one smacked into the side of the other, causing a couple of hundred dollars worth of damage.

The slightly injured motorcycle driver waited patiently as things were straight ened out and then was tooled off to the hospital in a slightly damaged and—one hopes—contrite vehicle of mercy.

OBLATE SPHEROID ODDS
From Jimmy the Greek in Las Vegas comes the following odds on the pro football season:

[This article contains a table. Please see hardcopy of magazine or PDF.]

LEGIT

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