SI Vault
 
There She Is, MISS AMERICA
Pat Ryan
October 06, 1969
From the glorious round sounds of crooning Bert Parks, back to its banner-draped first winner, who was strictly flat, the Miss America Pageant has offered a star-spangled mixture of wholesome tradition, sport and hilarity for all
Decrease font Decrease font
Enlarge font Enlarge font
October 06, 1969

There She Is, Miss America

From the glorious round sounds of crooning Bert Parks, back to its banner-draped first winner, who was strictly flat, the Miss America Pageant has offered a star-spangled mixture of wholesome tradition, sport and hilarity for all

View CoverRead All Articles View This Issue
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Miss Minnesota follows, the girl a charm school tried to teach to walk. "She didn't learn anything," someone remarks.

Miss Michigan arrives, sweetly blonde. She has won a swimsuit preliminary (she cannot swim). "Flabby thighs," a lady reporter notes.

Few people in Convention Hall are making such cool assessments. The audience is enjoying the spangle of color and music and the patter of Bert Parks. It wants to laugh a little and cry a little and believe that Miss America, whoever she may be, will live happily ever after. But the judges have noticed it all. The talent. The hair. The walk. The thighs. Now they vote. Four certified public accountants tally the ballots. The winner...(pause)...is Miss Michigan, Pamela Anne Eldred. They crown her, cloak her in velvet and ermine and give her a scepter. Suddenly it is midnight. Is the coach turning into a pumpkin? Who left this glass slipper behind?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7