The staid old Firearms Lobby of America is an outfit that is 1) against gun-control legislation and 2) takes itself too seriously. Sure enough, the lobby is outraged by a challenge issued by the Friends of Animals, a group led by such ladies as Lauren Bacall, Ali MacGraw and Patrice Munsel. The women want the men to "stop trying to prove their manhood through maiming or occasionally killing helpless animals because they fail on better proving grounds like a boudoir." Wow. And as if that were not enough, the ladies issued handbills reading, "Hunters, make it dear, not deer. Will you? Won't you? Can't you?"
So what do the firearm fellas do? They call it a diabolical scheme and propose to fight it in court. In court. Of all the dull places to fight a case like this.
"This guy just suggested it," Jimmy (The Greek) Snyder says modestly of a report that he had been asked to try out for a role in The Godfather. Hmm. Will he be billed as Jimmy (The Sicilian) Snyder?
It seems two female members of the Maryland state legislature, Lena K. Lee and Hildegarde Boswell, have introduced a bill to make marriage a three-year contract, with an option to renew. Sounds O.K. as far as it goes. Maybe they should consider compulsory spring training, too. It would probably do a lot for the game.
A Few Footnotes:
In Houston the Oilers welcomed new Coach Ed Hughes by rushing to outfit him in cowboy clothes so he would no longer look like, you should excuse the term, an Easterner. Hughes loved it. "I lost 20 pounds just trying on boots," he said.
Then comes the report that Broadcaster Lindsey Nelson has made it back from Timbuktu alive, presumably thanks to sleeping in his boots. "Scorpions like to get into shoes at night," a local doctor warned him.
Which may explain another report, the one from England, that Marlon Brando tried to play the nude love scene in his latest movie wearing his Wellington boots. Of course, England isn't exactly overrun by scorpions—perhaps Marlon is just shy.
And finally there is Oriole Catcher Clay Dalrymple, who claims that his feet "still have the smell of champagne from last year on them." We'll take your word for it, Clay.
Maybe all the snappy award names were taken or something, but the Hamms Beer folks have a dandy. They presented Detroit Lion Mike Lucci their True Grit trophy and accompanied it with a quote from Coach Joe Schmidt that Lucci "showed an unusual amount of the gutty quality called True Grit." Swell. That leaves just one trophy to go, the one for the athlete displaying the grittiest quality of True Gut.