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NO POWDER PUFFS
The Pittsburgh Steelers may or may not be on the rise, but the Pittsburgh Powder Kegs are the team you should keep your eye on in western Pennsylvania. The Powder Kegs are girls. There are 19 of them and they earn $20 a game (they won one and lost two this year, all against another girls' team called the Detroit Fillies). They wear red and white uniforms, practice four days a week, employ a basic T offense and a 5-4 defense, block, tackle, are coached by a former NFL player named Charley Scales and have moves you wouldn't believe.
Many of the girls play both defense and offense. The biggest member of the squad is an end named Melena Bark-man; Melena, a nurse, goes 180 pounds and stands 5'11". More typical is Guard Pat Jenkins, 5'4" and 140, a wife and mother who used to be an exotic dancer (she had an eight-foot boa constrictor in her act) before she took up trap blocks. Linda Hodge, 5'6" and 120, is the quarterback. Linda, an assistant programmer at Westinghouse, says, "Football is extra money for me now, but if they formed a girls' league I'd quit my job and concentrate on football."
The Powder Kegs are run by a man named Don Dillman, whose interest in girls' football was fired by Promoter Leo Martin, who is trying to create a league. Dillman says, "Passing and kicking are the weakest part of the game for the girls. But they really hit—pow!—and tackle. You wouldn't know they were girls, they hit so hard."
Head Coach Swanee Bucknell is not one for expounding to the press. When Utah radio station KALL asks him, "What's new?" in a live telephone interview, he always says, "Nothing" and hangs up. Still, now that the Ophir State Oalfs—that's the way you spell it—have won their first football game in 13 years, the move is on to make Bucknell Coach of the Year.
But never mind that. What counts with Utah football fans, and KALL's imaginary coach and team, is that Ophir State has solved the artificial-turf problem, particularly for schools with small budgets. The Oalfs covered their field with carpet remnants, cleverly sewn together. The fitted carpet provides an extra bonus. By following the seams, KALL reports, Ophir State players have mastered zone defensing and can finesse opponents with intricate pass patterns. Who needs grass?