- TOP PLAYERSOffensePABLO S. TORRE | August 20, 2012
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"The hell they don't," Don said. "They're fish, aren't they? Anything that swims around out there is a fish. They count."
"I'm not so sure dogfish are a fish," Mel said.
"Then why do you call them dogfish?" I said, figuring that ought to resolve it pretty well. I had this feeling of calm clarity in my head as if I could resolve anything for anyone.
"I don't know why they call them that," Mel said, "but one thing's for sure. They're not a dog. Anyone can see that." And I thought that Mel was resolving pretty well himself. I was going to ask if they're not a dog and they're not a fish, what are they, but Don said, "They look a lot more like a fish than they do like a dog."
"Well, a clam and an octopus are the same thing—mollusks," Bert said, "and they don't look alike."
We thought about that for a while and somebody said that there were a lot of strange things in the ocean and somebody else said that it covered seven-tenths of the earth's surface. Later we got back to the dogfish and Don said that when I got around to chronicling it all for unborn generations of Sandy Neck bottom fishers I should refer to this phase as the Great Dogfish Controversy.
So we sat there, two for dogfish and two against; and all of a sudden I was in bed and it was the next day. Actually, it was the next afternoon, and I spent the rest of it wandering around the house with a glass of tomato juice in my hand. My wife had that look she gets when I tell the wrong kind of joke to her mother, and whenever I would walk into the same room she was in she would be just leaving.
Later I went out and there were Bert and Mel and Don sitting in the same places looking at the bay—as though they had not moved since yesterday.
"Well, now that we've got it all thought out, what do you think of my idea?" I said.
"I think it's dangerous," Bert said.