"Thank you. And I can see it coming. It won't be long before they start televising games at night during the week. They'll probably start televising games from Canada soon. The Football will take over Christmas Day itself, Christmas Eve...."
"Would you believe you sound like some kind of nut?"
"Oh no, I'm perfectly rational. You can see it all coming if you just open your eyes. It's not going to be free love or wife-swapping that's going to kill the family, it's going to be pro football. I tell you, as much as I hate L.B.J., at least he doesn't seem to be a pro football nut. The law of averages is that sooner or later—probably sooner—we're going to get some screwball football fan in the White House, and the hot line from the Kremlin will be ringing off the hook or 100,000 people will be marching on Washington, something like that, and he won't even care because he'll be watching The Football."
"Oh, come on, Baby Cakes, you're really going off the deep end now."
"You laugh," said Rosalie, draining her drink in a final swoop. "I don't know whether the world will end with a whimper or a bang, but it is going to end on a Sunday afternoon for sure."
So anxious was Jerry to escape from a heretic such as Rosalie that he actually left for work early the next morning. He was a broker at Pine Brothers and Moore, where he was located in the cubicle next to Sandy Tatler, another young broker. Inasmuch as Sandy was black, the two men had little in common except, of course, their mutual devotion to the Colts. Sandy was just as much a Colt fanatic as Jerry; pro football is no respecter of race, color or creed. In fact, Sandy was in the office ahead of Jerry, waiting eagerly for any other fan to show up so they could begin the first pro football Simulated Conversation of the new week.
Simulated Conversations are the kind pro football fans participate in the country over. They may seem logical in their progression, but nothing said in a Simulated Conversation has direct relationship with what preceded it or what follows. Rosalie always felt that pro football Simulated Conversations were reminiscent of the dialogue of an old radio program that was called It Pays To Be Ignorant.
On this show there was a moderator and some panelists who pretended to be dimwits. The moderator would say, "The first question is: What color was George Washington's white horse?" One panelist would immediately answer, "My Uncle Fred used to own horses," and another would say, "I went to Washington on the train last summer," and a third would say, "I don't think it is fair to always put the caboose at the end of the train," and it would go on and on like that while the studio audience laughed itself sick. The only difference with pro football Simulated Conversations is that nobody laughs, and lots more people are on the panel.
Warming up, Jerry said, "This Colt team does not have as much talent as some others, but it is all heart."
Sandy said, "Exactly. A rookie in the defensive back-field is worth at least one touchdown every game."