Caddying For A Man Who Never Shot Par

During a match the drunker they got the more they cheated and the more they caught each other at it. One time when Burke tried to sneak a better lie he and McGurn fought about the bloodiest fight I ever saw in or out of the prize ring. None of the gang tried to stop them. They just made a circle around them, laughing and cheering. A big crowd of golfers gathered, too, but they didn't make a sound. They seemed hypnotized. I got the feeling they were scared that if they said or did anything the gang would turn on them. It lasted about half an hour. Burke knocked McGurn off his feet a couple of times, but he came up quick. He'd been a prizefighter in his younger days and Burke was no match for him. Pretty soon the Killer had blood streaming from his nose, turning his white sport shirt red. One of his eyes closed completely. McGurn knocked him down 10, maybe 12 times, and at last he stayed down. I figured he might be dead. Banjo Eyes threw a pail of water over him. It had no effect. There happened to be a doctor in the crowd who finally brought Burke around. "Don't talk," he warned him. "Some of your teeth are loose, but you'll be all right after you see a dentist." Burke tried getting up by himself, but he couldn't stand. The boys made a stretcher with their hands and carried him to the clubhouse.

Besides Capone and Guzik that one time, the only other gangster I ever caddied for was Burke. When he played golf, the course looked like some farmer had plowed it—divots as big as your hand wherever he had taken a swipe at the ball. He was usually in the company of a peroxide blonde. She didn't play. She just walked along beside him. One time, after they'd emptied his flask, they disappeared behind a bunker. They were gone about 10 minutes and when they came back the blonde's dress had grass stains all over it. I was 10 at the time and I couldn't figure out what they'd been up to.

I learned the facts of life before I was too much older from Al and his boys. One afternoon on the links they kept talking about some kind of party they were going to throw at the clubhouse that night. An orgy, they called it. I'd never heard the word before and I was burning with curiosity. So after supper I went back to the clubhouse. The bouncer at the door laughed fit to bust when I asked to join Al's party. "Better go home and get your diapers changed," he said. I pretended to go but instead sneaked around to the back of the building. I was wearing tennis shoes that gave me enough traction to climb up to the second story where there was a little balcony and a window. I looked through and saw about 20 couples, most of them naked. Not Al, though. He just stood on the sidelines, watching and laughing. I found out then what an orgy was. When I got home, I avoided Mom. I felt too ashamed.

I was still shining shoes at the Arrowhead when who should hop up onto my stand one evening before the show but the star entertainer, Gilda Gray—remember, the queen of the shimmy? She was short, and wore a tight, beaded dress. When she sat, the dress rode halfway up her thighs and I saw she didn't have a stitch on underneath. I started polishing like crazy, my head bent way down, trying hard not to look up, but she saw I was red in the face and just sat there, hiking her skirt higher and ragging me. "Where did you get that curly hair? And those long black lashes?"

The next time I caddied for Al I described my meeting with Gilda Gray. I told him I never wanted to shine her shoes again. He laughed so hard the players ahead of us turned around to see what was so funny. "In a couple of years you'll feel different," Al assured me. "You'll want a dame like her."

He played until early afternoon, then motioned for me to wait on a bench and walked away toward the clubhouse. He came back with two triple-decker sandwiches, a bottle of beer for himself, and some soda pop for me. We ate the sandwiches sitting side by side. I felt very close to Al. Suddenly I heard myself asking, "Can I join the gang when I'm bigger?" He smiled and rumpled my hair. "You're part of it now, ain't you? You're my caddie." "I mean for real," I said, "and carry a gun like the other guys." He shook his head. "Nothing doing, Kid. I want you around a long time all in one piece. You might get hurt. Most guys in my line of business do. So stay just like you are, O.K.?"

Looking back on it, I guess if he'd said yes, I would have ended up like the rest of them—in jail or dead. I'm grateful to him now for turning me down. But at the time the danger and the glamour of it all was the most thrilling life I could imagine.

I'm not sure when my sister Babe became Al's regular girl. He was crazy about her from the beginning, no doubt in my mind about that. He kept giving her expensive presents, furs and jewelry. Mom ordered her to give them back, but Babe just hid them. She took me up to her room once, making me promise I wouldn't tell if she showed me something. I promised and she fished out a cigar box from under some lingerie. Inside was a diamond bracelet, a pair of diamond drop earrings, a pearl necklace—all from Al.

He began calling at the house and he was so polite and kind and generous that in the end he won over Mom and Pop. He came often and they'd make him stay for a meal. Babe knew Al had a wife and son, of course. Anybody who read the newspapers knew that. But he kept telling Babe how much he loved her, that he'd get a divorce if she'd marry him. I don't guess he really meant it. Deep down he was too much of a family man. I don't think he would ever have walked out on Mrs. Capone and their boy, Sonny. Anyhow Babe refused. She said she was satisfied with the way things were. He went on treating her like a queen.

Sometimes when they went to a restaurant or a show they'd take me along. I'll never forget the thrill of riding next to the driver in Al's bulletproof Cadillac. It was all red leather inside with gray curtains. There was a machine gun mounted behind the driver's seat. When Babe and I stared at it nervously, Al waved his cigar like he was brushing something away. "Nothing to worry about," he said. "Just a little insurance. Look out the windows." Through the curtains we could see in back a limousine filled with Al's boys and another one ahead.