3. Put a tax on fat people.
4. Serve the Chargers breakfast in bed on game day after a good week.
5. Get put on probation for issuing illegal drugs to the players.
6. Buy a house with a football-shaped swimming pool at La Costa.
NORM VAN BROCKLIN, The Falcons:
Whether he's a good coach or not doesn't matter. He's quotable. When his rookie quarterback back in the Minnesota days, Fran Tarkenton, came to the sideline with a bleeding nose, the Dutchman said, "Welcome to the NFL, kid." He has also said, "Around here, you've got to have it under the left nipple."
Van Brocklin had it and he doesn't understand players who don't. The Falcons wore good last year, but they were upset twice in the stretch Why?
"Because all the hookers and bartenders on Peach Street told them how good they were and they believed," he said.
The Dutchman is a walking generation gap, but colorful. He banished long hair for a while, still dictates dress codes and has outlawed certain establishments.
He has said, "If you want to wear bell-bottoms, join the Navy. If you want long hair, become a hippie. If you want to wear a headband, get a job as an Indian in a cowboy movie."