At least one good result emerged from the National Football League players strike—Cincinnati backup Quarterback Wayne Clark's announcement of the birth of his second child:
"Carol Clark crossed the picket line at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati and after 20 hours of unfair labor practices, all parties in the negotiations, including Wayne and Carol Clark, and the rookie free agent, Darin Hartley Clark, emerged from the closed-door session and announced that agreement had been finalized at 11:08 p.m. with no drugs involved.
"Issues resolved included a healthy reporting weight of 9 pounds, 15� ounces (more than what was bargained for) and length of 20� inches. Also, a compromise of the economic and freedom issues was reached when Darin was assured of free room and board plus per diem in return for the loss of Wayne's and Carol's freedom for the next 18-plus years.
"Brother Brian, a two-year veteran, announced later that the contract was guaranteed no-cut, no-trade, no-waiver. Pension and insurance benefits to be agreed on later."
Betting persons who take the home team on Monday night football claim it is the best deal since money was invented. Favored or not, the home team on the Howard-Frank-Don show last year beat the spread in all but one of the 13 games televised. The trend continues. Buffalo, a six-point underdog, beat Oakland in the opener and Dallas, favored by eight over Philadelphia, lost 13-10. If this keeps up, the bettors may never have to go back to working for a living.
The next time Bill Ainsworth of Southwestern Bell in Houston carries a "beep" Softball through airport security, he is going to choose his words with a little greater care. Invented by a telephone company worker, the ball has a hollowed-out center that contains a tiny battery connected to a beeper. It enables the blind to play ball, but it is not the sort of plaything that is going to win any awards from edgy guards.
"This ball contains an electronic device," Ainsworth said. A cop put his hand on his pistol. "It produces a beeping sound when this pin is pulled." Dark, grim glances.
At last, one brave checker pulled the pin. Guards raced over at the tone of the beep. After he got everybody calmed down, Ainsworth strolled through the checkpoint, ball in hand—and the metal detector alarm went off. Keys and change in Ainsworth's pocket. Well, can't win 'em all.
MADE IN HEAVEN?