?Tony Mason, University of Cincinnati football coach, facing Tulsa with several of his key players injured: "You think I'm not worried? Last night I called my wife 'Ralph.' "
? John McKay, USC football coach, on artificial turf: "We think of it as fuzzy concrete."
?John Agunga, African witch doctor, consulting his baboon bones to determine why the Baltimore Orioles lost the race in the American League East despite his spells: "Publicity! They lost because they turned coming to me into a publicity gimmick. Witchcraft works only by stealth."