SI Vault
Edited by Robert W. Creamer
April 12, 1976
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April 12, 1976


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I hereby establish my own Baseball Hall of Fame.
For alliteration, for example, I enshrine
Frankie Frisch, the Fordham Flash.
For future fame in other areas:
Albert Schweitzer ( St. Louis, A.L., 1908-1911).
They called him "Cheese," so with him
I further honor Clarence Beers and Sweetbreads Bailey,
Hot Potato Hamlin and Noodles Hahn, Ginger Beaumont,
Sugar Cain, and Honey Walker
(From Beeville, Texas). Also, Bob Sturgeon,
Oyster Burns, Catfish Hunter, Sea Lion Hall, and
George Haddock, whose locker was next to Davy Jones'.
I add sure-fingered Tom Butters,
Luke Appling, Eddie Bacon and Puddin' Head Jones,
George Bone and Stew Bolen, Rabbit Maranville and
Bunny Brief, Dave Brain and Dodo Bird,
Turkeyfoot Brower, Deerfoot Bay and Reindeer Killefer.
Since one must be mad or built like a
Bench to play catcher, immortalized also
Are Earl Battey and Matt Batts.
A special velvet-lined niche for the man
Who led the National League in hits
In 1926 (with 201)—
Glass Arm Eddie Brown.
I add another Brown: Mordecai Peter
Centennial (born, of course, in 1876),
Also known as "Three Finger" Brown,
Because that's how many he had on his
Throwing hand (lifetime 229 wins, 131 losses).
But M.P.C. "T.F." Brown must yield his share
Of his huge gallery in my special Hall of Fame
To Christian Frederick Albert John Henry David
Betzel, whom they called "Bruno," for some reason.
My Hall of Fame will house an armory, as some
Museums do, for the display of weapons like
Shotgun Shuba and Gunboat Gumbert,
Boom-Boom Beck, Roxy Snipes, Ray Blades and
Poison Ivy Andrews (who will be endowed with
A glass case all his own). And, of course,
A chapel for Preacher Roe, Deacons Scott
And MacFayden, Howie Nunn, Johnnie Priest,
Maurice Archdeacon, Max Bishop, and Dave Pope.

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