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In the old days, here is what baseball umpires used to do in the off-season: Tim Hurst refereed fights. Bob Emslie was a trapshooter. Scotty Robb ran a printing business. George Moriarty wrote songs. Al Barlick was a coal miner. Frank Dascoli was a Connecticut state trooper. Dolly Stark was the basketball coach at Dartmouth. Bill Grieve was assistant supervisor of recreation in Yonkers. Cy Rigler (who originated the upraised arm for a strike) was a policeman and a fireman. Bill Guthrie was a steam fitter. Jocko Conlan owned a flower shop. Jack Sheridan was an undertaker. The raucous journeyman infielder Germany Schafer used to lead cronies to Sheridan's mortuary and intone in a sepulchral voice through a ventilator, "Your time has come, Jack Sheridan." In a game at Detroit, when Sheridan made a bad call, Schafer turned at the plate and said it again, "Your time has come. Jack Sheridan." Sheridan threw him out of the game.
Nowadays, here is what some baseball umpires do in the off-season: Marty Springstead is a bank teller. Dave Phillips and Doug Harvey referee basketball. Bruce Froemming works in a Milwaukee brewery. Jerry Dale, who has a master's in math, teaches school. Jim Evans and Doug Harvey sell real estate. Larry McCoy is a farmer in Arkansas. Nick Colosi, formerly a ma�tre d' at the Copacabana, is a special policeman at Madison Square Garden. Dave Davidson is a probation officer. Nestor Chylak, at 54 the senior umpire in the American League, makes speeches. Dick Stello teaches at umpire's school. Stello is married to a stripper, Chesty Morgan, who boasts a 73-inch bust.
Russell Baker wrote in The New York Times Magazine , "Not long ago, a New York woman I know awoke one morning and discovered her eyebrows were out. I don't mean they stepped out for a drink before breakfast. Even in New York, eyebrows aren't doing that sort of thing yet.
"What had happened was that this woman's eyebrows had been called out by an umpire of fashion just as definitively as a base runner given the thumb in a close call at home plate. In this case, the umpire was a journal called W which calls balls, strikes and failed slides in the game of high-income chic....