Lester said Darrell used to talk real colorful like that. Darrell would say a tough football game was like putting stink on stink. He would say his boys was going to get on the other team like ugly on a ape. The way Lester told it, Darrell used to be about twice as funny as Hee Haw and Lawrence Welk rolled into one.
But now, Lester said, Darrell didn't talk so funny anymore because certain sport writers had took to quoting him as using colorful words like b—and c—. Darrell was more of a yes and no man now, Lester said. But if that is true I sure couldn't tell it.
Darrell was real hot at Barry Switzer and the other Oklahoma coachers because they had beat his Texas team five years in a row. Darrell claimed he had found out the Oklahoma coachers had been spying on his secret practices. Darrell is a Oklahoma boy hisself, from over at Hollis. He has did his share of chores and he didn't care for the farm life much more than you do, honey. Being from Oklahoma, Darrell is smart and has a temper, about like me.
"Grover," Darrell said to me, "I will give $10,000 each out of my own pocket to the spy and to Switzer and to Larry Lacewell (Barry's No. 1 assistant coacher) if they will pass a lie detector test that they ain't been spying on me. That is $30,000 in all, and they could snap it up right quick if they ain't scared to. We played Oklahoma real close the last two years and could of whipped them. I tell you, Grover, it is kind of amusing and kind of hacks me off that I will be playing golf in the summer and people will say Darrell I bet you can't wait until the fall so you can make up for last year. Last year we lost a real close game to Oklahoma that was No. 1 and a pretty close game to A&M that was No. 2 at the time and we beat Colorado in the Astrid Bowl. We was 10 and 2. So what is bad about that, Grover?"
Then Darrell said a very profound thing, honey. He said a optimist thinks the bottle is half full and a pessimist thinks the bottle is half empty. I want you to remember that when you are thinking about our new life together.
Lester took me over to see Barry Switzer after that. Barry was real hot too. Barry is a pretty good looking blond-headed guy that was raised on a farm in Arkansas. Barry got off the farm too, honey, just like you are doing. "Grover. I hope Darrell sees ghosts ever time he thinks about Oklahoma," is what Barry told me. "He is plumb ridiculous to keep accusing us of spying and cheating. Our players laugh about it. I don't want in no verbal war with Darrell. We will do our talking on the ball field."
I asked Barry who would win the game. He said his boys would. Barry has a way of making people believe him, except for Darrell. Keep that in mind too, honey.
Also I talked to Larry Lacewell. Larry played high school ball for the Fordyce Redbugs in Arkansas. I said that was sure a funny name for a team. Larry said the Crab Claw Comets wasn't no name that would make a possum quit grinning. He said OU had thought about recruiting Rupert Bodeen, the star tackle at Crab Claw in 1972, but Rupert wasn't stump broke. Larry talked a lot and was real friendly. Larry said the Oklahoma boys was going to win the game too.
I was feeling high as a pineapple by then. Lester McBath and I went downtown to visit the riot they have in Dallas on Friday night before the Texas-OU game. Some merchants had boarded up their store windows. But I have saw better riots. Soon Lester and me got bored and went to a Irish bar. Lester said you have never saw a Irishman until you have saw a Irishman in a Irish bar in Dallas. At this bar they throwed darts and drank whiskey and the band played loud Irish songs like "Good-Hearted Woman" that made me think of you.
It was so loud in that Irish bar that I hardly even heard myself make the bet.