Imitation Of Life

Somewhere someone presses a button and a bomb drops from a clear sky. Boom!

Randy Moss, the ball light in his hands, races up the sideline for a touchdown. Boom!

The computer-generated crowd roars.

Welcome to the boom times of the Madden Nation. As Maddenites everywhere know, Aug. 22 is this year's release date for Madden NFL 07, the Grand Mac Daddy of video pro football and one of the best-selling video games anywhere. With $250 million earned for EA Sports last year on something north of six million units sold, the weirdly lifelike simulation named for, and refined by, former coach and ubiquitous broadcaster and pitchman John Madden has brought in more than $1.5 billion since it debuted in 1989.

Add to this the collection of trademarks and copyrights that are the All-Madden Team?, the Madden Bowl?, the Madden Nation? and the Madden Challenge?--to say nothing of his bus, turducken, catchphrase and induction into the Hall of Fame two weeks ago--and it becomes clear that in football America, you are never far from the Madden? crowd. In fact, you'll be stepping over their sleeping bags this weekend on your way into your local big box retailer.

ESPN, ever adaptable, has even been airing on pay-per-view Inside Madden NFL 07, a $19.95 tutorial on the game's new features. It's a high-water mark in advertising: a one-hour commercial you have to pay to see. That football is a simulation of warfare, and Madden 07 a simulation of football, and the pay-per-view a simulation of Madden--therefore the simulation of a simulation of a simulation--means you could research your master's thesis on postmodern theories of cultural regress for only 20 bucks. Or you could just cop some sweet tips for better stickwork.

While the mechanics of the game remain the same--L1 or R1 to juke the ballcarrier left or right, for example, ? to sprint and ? to jump--it seems that opportunities to portray the broader truths of the NFL are still being missed. To satisfy die-hard fans, in owner mode the combination RIGHT ANALOG STICK�+ ? + L2 should result in a 63-year-old billionaire passing out from the pain of a kidney stone while lighting a Cohiba with a C note on the 1st tee at Pebble Beach. For some reason, it does not. Nor does ?+ D BUTTON�+ L3 cause your head coach to miss his daughter's Thanksgiving pageant for the fifth year in a row. Thus, his third wife's virtual divorce attorney can't yet put a lien on his 401(k) either.

All of this is being accompanied by a national ad campaign that began as a sportswriter's joke, then became a viral marketing insurgency--the idea that the Madden NFL release date be celebrated as a national holiday so gamers could take the day off to play. With his tailgater's girth and his jolly appeal, the coach frankly lends himself to it. "Merry Maddenoliday!?" the commercials carol, and remember to check your online Maddvent? calendars! Maddenoliday? seems an unwieldy construction, though. Why didn't the EA marketeers use Madden Gras, say, or Maddeween? Cinco de Madden too ethnic?

Certainly the most lyrical fit would be RaMadden, but given the current state of human affairs here on Planet Madden, one can see why this didn't get much love in the pitch meetings.

In his book Everything Bad Is Good for You, author Steven Johnson suggests that video games, rather than dumbing us down, actually make us smarter by honing our problem-solving skills in the virtual world. This is only half true. Without real-world consequences, video games make us no smarter emotionally, and intellect unleavened by empathy is the empty triumph of the technocrat.