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Bill Scheft
January 31, 2005
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January 31, 2005

The Show

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Note to reader: Please call the special 800 number if you don't want to read any jokes about the Swimsuit Issue.

Bud Selig's office donates $100,000 to President Bush's inauguration Bush plans to use half, then invest the rest privately with Julio Franco's Social Security benefits.

As you may know, years ago MLB owners tried to get then Rangers owner George W. Bush installed as commissioner. Whew, that was close. Can you imagine the Expos playing 22 games in Tikrit?

Tommy Lasorda hosted two events at the inauguration. He's devoted to the Bush Administration. Next month he'll spend a week in Iraq conducting a base-running clinic.

Eagles write title page The wind was a factor all day. The only thing that blew more consistently was Chris Mohr's punting.

The Falcons were all prepared to go to the Super Bowl. They had already decided which defensive back would get arrested in Jacksonville for propositioning an undercover cop.

Andy Reid said the next step in rehab for Terrell Owens is to be able to run and change direction. No, wait. That's what Herman Edwards said about Paul Hackett.

In the Patriots' rout of Pittsburgh, New England was up 24--3 at the half. Bill Belichick was so confident, he let Charlie Weis take the rest of the game off and go visit a Notre Dame recruit in Altoona.

For its Super Bowl pregame segment, Fox is changing the name of Best Damn Sports Show Period to Best Darn Super Bowl Road Show Period. Not only that, John Salley's tongue will also be edited to two inches.

Magic-Pistons game delayed three minutes after guide dog relieves itself on court You know what's sad? The dog got more minutes than Darko Milicic.

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