TEXAS HOLD 'EM AWARD To Bartolo Colon of the Angels, who went 6-0 with a 2.14 ERA against the Rangers and 12-12, 5.74 against all other teams.
IF TODAY IS TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE CLEVELAND AWARD To the Marlins and the itinerant Expos, who played each other in four ballparks this season: Olympic Stadium in Montreal, Hiram Bithorn Stadium in San Juan, Pro Player Stadium in Miami and U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago.
SILVER TONGUE AWARD To White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, who said of Rangers skipper Buck Showalter, "He never even smelled a jock in the big leagues [as a player]. Mr. Baseball never even got a hit in Triple A."
BENIGN NEGLECT AWARD To Barry Bonds, who claimed that no monuments are built in honor of blacks, although a statue of his godfather, Willie Mays, stands outside San Francisco's SBC Park.
PYRRHIC VICTORY AWARD To Reds leftfielder Adam Dunn, who, after surpassing Bobby Bonds's single-season record with his 190th strikeout, said, "At least I beat a Bonds at something."
PYRRHIC VICTORY AWARD, PART II To the Devil Rays, who celebrated with a clubhouse champagne toast after clinching fourth place in the AL East, the best finish in the franchise's seven seasons. -- Daniel G. Habib