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An S.O.S. from The U.S.
Rick Reilly
October 02, 2006
JACK NICKLAUS, do you care about golf?
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October 02, 2006

An S.o.s. From The U.s.

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JACK NICKLAUS, do you care about golf?

If you do, hear my plea: You saved the Ryder Cup once. We need you to save it again.

Almost 30 years ago, when the U.S. was winning all the time, you went to Ryder Cup officials and begged them to add the rest of Europe to the Great Britain and Ireland team. You said if they didn't, the Cup might die of one-sided boredom. They listened, and it became a thrilling event.

Uh, Jack? It isn't thrilling anymore. It's as one-sided as a hanging. These guys couldn't win Big Break IX. The Euros fricasseed us again, last weekend at the K Club in Ireland, 18�--9 1/2;, which is exactly how badly they fricasseed us last time. Europe has won five of the last six Cups, and the one U.S. win was the Miracle in Bad Shirts at Brookline in 1999.

We lose with knucklehead captains ( Hal Sutton) and organized ones ( Tom Lehman). We lose as favorites (2002 and '04) and underdogs (this year). We lose with Tiger not into it (1997, 2002, '04) and Tiger not into it ('06). At this point, choosing the American team is like picking towel colors on the Hindenburg.

It's getting so bad, even the Euros are a little embarrassed about it. An hour after the outcome had been decided on Sunday, their captain, Ian (Boozy Woozy) Woosnam, still didn't have a drink in his hand.

So, Jack, it's time to come to the aid of your country again. All you have to do is go to the Ryder Cup honchos and demand the following rule changes.

? Give us reinforcements. They did it for Europe. They can do it for us. Numberswise, we're the trailer and they're the tornado. Europe's population is 728 million. Ours is 300 million. That's 428 million more people they get to choose from. "We could've had two teams up here," Colin Montgomerie said at the winner's press conference. That's not right. We need a get-even. Tell them we'll take:

a. South Africa (47 million). That nets us Ernie Els and Retief Goosen.

b. Canada (33 million). That gives us Mike Weir.

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