The mouth spits and spews like a sprinkler. The eyes get as big as trash-can lids. The jaw extends farther than many industrial forklifts. The face turns hunter-orange, stoplight-red and then eggplant-purple. And that's just during warmups.
It's the best mug in sports. It belongs to Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher. And the lint-brain refuses to do a damn thing with it.
Most coaches do ads all the time. Cowher doesn't do any. He isn't even on a billboard. My lord, you could do a billboard on that anvil jaw alone. He could be making millions with that face. Instead, he locks it up like a pound of plutonium.
Worse, he still lives in the same 3,000-square-foot house he moved into 13 years ago. He hasn't even added on to it. He hasn't written a book. Hasn't done Letterman. Doesn't have a restaurant, a Hummer dealership or even a Big and Tall Shop. Will do only one lousy speech a year--for a YMCA in Pittsburgh. Won't go out on the town. Who is he, Greta Garbo?
The guy has the best team in the NFL. He's had his job longer than any other coach in the league, and he's only 47. He's a Houdini who's taken his team to the playoffs nine times in his 13 years and done it with quarterbacks who should've been selling aluminum siding somewhere--guys named O'Donnell, Tomczak, Stewart and Maddox--and now a rookie, Roethlisberger.
And do you know the deep, dark reason why he won't cash in? Because he is constantly hanging around young girls, that's why.
Turns out Cowher has this antiquated idea of fatherhood: He thinks a dad should be devoted to his kids' lives, not vice versa.
It's worked out nicely for his three girls, all of whom have blossomed into basketball whizzes, starting with Meagan, 18, a Princeton freshman who is killing the Ivy League already. She had 28 points in a game last week, 19 two nights later and has helped turn the Tigers around.
His middle daughter, Lauren, 17, is one of the best high school players in Pittsburgh, where she plays for Fox Chapel the way Cowher coaches: red-faced, diving into the Gatorade jug, punching herself in the leg after mistakes. His youngest daughter, Lindsay, 14, who plays on middle school and AAU teams, may be the best of all.