Have Justin Timberlake jump out of crowd, rip off part of your jersey, exposing nipple ring.
Pull needle out of sock, deflate football and hand to defeated coach.
Have fireman hose you down because you're so freaking hot.
Pull out BlackBerry and e-mail world about touchdown.
Leap into crowd, yank off helmet, fill with some lady's order of nachos and watch replay of TD on JumboTron.
Lay down red carpet and walk it like you're Jennifer Aniston.
Switch places with cameraman and film him spiking ball.
Pretend to hit winning tennis shot, leap imaginary net and heartily shake opponent's hand.
Mime hole in one, then buy a round of drinks for entire crowd.
Fake heart attack and holler, "I'm comin', Elizabeth!"