Tips For To And Randy

Grab bullhorn off a cop and holler, "Game's over, people! Time to go home! Drive carefully!"

Outline beaten safety's prone body in chalk.

Rip off jersey to reveal Superman costume underneath.

Rip off jersey to reveal giant tattoo of own face.

Have vat of molten bronze ready, bronze self.

Strap on jet pack and leave stadium.

Hang big banner from one upright to other that reads, mission accomplished! (O.K., so that one's been used.)

? If you have a comment for Rick Reilly, send it to reilly@siletters.com