Dumb And Dumber

I think I've incontrovertibly established that whatever we're doing to choose MVPs and Best Picture winners, it's not working. My solution? The establishment of a National Council on Movies and Baseball, similar to the Supreme Court in that the President will appoint its nine members but different in that people will care about it. Only the brightest, baseball-savviest film experts need apply. The NCMB will pore over spreadsheets of sabermetric data, watch every frame of the year's 32 depressing Serbian genocide films, agonize for weeks and months over their decisions. And when their selections are revealed, we will tar and feather them, for they will have chosen Juno, David Eckstein and Juan Pierre. That's just how these things go.

Junior writes for the blog firejoemorgan.com.

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