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The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch
Rick Reilly
March 13, 2006
I feel sorry for certain people. Leon Spinks's orthodontist. Bode Miller's agent. Anybody in a ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini.
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March 13, 2006

The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch

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KANSAS CITY ROYALS--Usually Not Mathematically Eliminated from the Playoffs until May!

CLEVELAND INDIANS--This Is Our Year (and If Not This Year Certainly Three Years from Now! Or the Year after That!)!

NEW YORK YANKEES--Home of the Most Generous, Wonderful, Caring, Dynamic--Did We Mention Handsome?--Team Owner in America.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS--Not Just Voyeuristic Sex Anymore!

MINNESOTA TWINS--We Have Absolutely No Chance, but We'll Almost Certainly Kick the Royals' Ass!

LOS ANGELES ANGELS of Anaheim, Bakersfield, Barstow, Fullerton, San Diego, Tijuana--Proud to Be Your Hometown Team!

SEATTLE MARINERS--O.K., So We'll Continue to Suck, But at Least You Won't Get Wet!

TEXAS RANGERS--If You Can Throw the Ball over the Plate, We'll Sign You Up!

NATIONAL LEAGUE

ATLANTA BRAVES--Your One-stop Bridesmaid Center!

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