The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch
Rick Reilly
March 13, 2006
I feel sorry for
certain people. Leon Spinks's orthodontist. Bode Miller's agent. Anybody in a
ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini.
KANSAS CITY
ROYALS--Usually Not Mathematically Eliminated from the Playoffs until May!
CLEVELAND
INDIANS--This Is Our Year (and If Not This Year Certainly Three Years from Now!
Or the Year after That!)!
NEW YORK
YANKEES--Home of the Most Generous, Wonderful, Caring, Dynamic--Did We Mention
Handsome?--Team Owner in America.
TORONTO BLUE
JAYS--Not Just Voyeuristic Sex Anymore!
MINNESOTA
TWINS--We Have Absolutely No Chance, but We'll Almost Certainly Kick the
Royals' Ass!
LOS ANGELES
ANGELS of Anaheim, Bakersfield, Barstow, Fullerton, San Diego, Tijuana--Proud
to Be Your Hometown Team!
SEATTLE
MARINERS--O.K., So We'll Continue to Suck, But at Least You Won't Get Wet!
TEXAS RANGERS--If
You Can Throw the Ball over the Plate, We'll Sign You Up!
NATIONAL
LEAGUE
ATLANTA
BRAVES--Your One-stop Bridesmaid Center!