The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch
Rick Reilly
March 13, 2006
I feel sorry for
certain people. Leon Spinks's orthodontist. Bode Miller's agent. Anybody in a
ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini.
FLORIDA
MARLINS--Root for the Uniforms That Won Two World Series!
NEW YORK
METS--Come Sit in Anna Benson's Butt Heat!
PHILADELPHIA
PHILLIES--Now Embarking on Our 75th Five-Year Rebuilding Plan!
MILWAUKEE
BREWERS--Steadfastly Refusing to Participate in That Whole
Buying-Spoiled-Superstars-Just-to-Win Thing!
CHICAGO
CUBS--Ironically Hip Since 1908!
CINCINNATI
REDS--Bet on Us!
PITTSBURGH
PIRATES-- Ben Roethlisberger Once Watched a Few Innings Here!
ST. LOUIS
CARDINALS--The Best Team in Baseball, at Least Until Early in September!
ARIZONA
DIAMONDBACKS--Once Again Featuring Exciting Between-inning Highlights of Our
2001 World Championship Season!
COLORADO
ROCKIES--True, We Will Lose Like the French Army, But at This Altitude the Beer
Goes to Your Brain Really Fast!