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The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch
Rick Reilly
March 13, 2006
I feel sorry for certain people. Leon Spinks's orthodontist. Bode Miller's agent. Anybody in a ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini.
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March 13, 2006

The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch

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FLORIDA MARLINS--Root for the Uniforms That Won Two World Series!

NEW YORK METS--Come Sit in Anna Benson's Butt Heat!

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES--Now Embarking on Our 75th Five-Year Rebuilding Plan!

MILWAUKEE BREWERS--Steadfastly Refusing to Participate in That Whole Buying-Spoiled-Superstars-Just-to-Win Thing!

CHICAGO CUBS--Ironically Hip Since 1908!

CINCINNATI REDS--Bet on Us!

PITTSBURGH PIRATES-- Ben Roethlisberger Once Watched a Few Innings Here!

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS--The Best Team in Baseball, at Least Until Early in September!

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS--Once Again Featuring Exciting Between-inning Highlights of Our 2001 World Championship Season!

COLORADO ROCKIES--True, We Will Lose Like the French Army, But at This Altitude the Beer Goes to Your Brain Really Fast!

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