Revving Up The Grapes

We NASCAR fans will gobble up entire Wal-Marts full of crap as long as it ties us to the sport we love--like talking bottle openers, driver-faced wall clocks and that home decorating essential, Star Wars Episode III Pepsi Jeff Gordon replica car hoods.

But NASCAR wine?

Richard Childress, the longtime team owner whom the late, great Dale Earnhardt once raced for, has started a winery. No, seriously. One of the biggest names in NASCAR is bottling Chardonnay, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. He's even going to make special-edition wines commemorating his team's wins.

Now, I think you'll find this little wine amusing. Notice the subtle hints of oak, butter and Pennzoil.

Do those words-- NASCAR wine--go together? Isn't that like debutante wrestling?

The mind reels. How is NASCAR wine served? When you're ready to open a bottle, do four guys come running up, jack up your chair, yank your head back, pull your chin down, stick the end of one of those long gas cans in your mouth and pour it into you? All in 14 seconds?

Can't you just see it? You're at a restaurant that serves Childress wines, and the sommelier comes up in a hat, headphones and fireproof suit. He pours you just a taste for your approval. You swirl, sip and nod yes. And the guy hollers, "Get 'er done!"

Don't know if you've noticed, Richard, but we NASCAR fans are not generally seen reading Wine Spectator during time trials. We enjoy Pabst on our Frosted Flakes.

Merle, Daytona's on, so why doncha bring over a bag a pork rinds, maybe some fried Twinkies, and what about a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio to go with it?

In fact, until now there had only been one NASCAR whine: "These restrictor plates are killin' racin'!"