I have a very
personal question to ask. Do you mind drinking beverages dispensed from your
No? Then do I
have a product for you!
It's called The
Beerbelly ($49.95). It's a beer-storage device worn under your shirt that holds
80 ounces, thus allowing you to approximate life as Larry the Cable Guy. Just
hang The Beerbelly around your neck, test the miniature spigot at the bottom
and off you go!
Think of all the
other uses. Going to SkyBar, where beers are, like, $117? Strap on a Beerbelly!
Long flight in coach? Nonstop beer! Porky's and Porky's II double feature?
Don't miss a minute!
recommend "sneaking the dispensing spout out your fly." Brilliant!
Plus, who'll ask you to share?
I decided to try
The Beerbelly last week, at Dodger Stadium. But two days before Operation
Contrabeer, a very odd New York friend of mine said, "You ought to take a
Stadium Pal with you."
"Get your own
beer," I sneered.
"No, you Spam
brain," he said. "A Stadium Pal lets you watch the entire game without
having to get up to pee."
Sadly, he wasn't
joking. The Stadium Pal ($29.95) was invented by a Cincinnati Bengals fan who
hated missing part of the game for any reason. And my question was: What is a
Bengals fan afraid that he'll miss? A punt?
The Stadium Pal
is a (cough, cough) collection device that has a tube running down to a bag
that's attached to your calf, with a little drainage valve at the bottom for
... later. In other words, another beer-storage device. On the Pal website, a
woman complained that her husband liked it so much he used it while watching
games on TV. "Men are lazy," she wrote. (You think?)