THE HAIR. Johnny Damon almost cut his hair. Happened just the other day. The Boston Red Sox' All-Star beefcake centerfielder was getting his long, luxurious L'Ore�l locks trimmed when the stylist pulled them completely back. "I saw someone I hadn't seen in a long time," Damon says. "Me. And I almost did it. But I thought, Nah, I better consult my teammates first." They might have hanged him. After all, a lot of people think Damon's hair won the last World Series.
"Bottom line," says Sox first baseman Kevin Millar, "we'd been cursed for 86 years. Mel Gibson makes The Passion of the Christ, and he's taking all kinds of heat for it. Next thing you know Johnny comes in looking like Jesus, and we break the curse."
Worse than that, he'd have been pummeled by the purses of millions of American women, who'd give anything to help him work up a lather. "That's the line I get the most from women--'I'd just like to pull on your hair all night long,'" Damon says. "Sometimes they hit on me right in front of my wife! I mean, women are relentless, man, relentless."
You poor, poor bastard.
THE BEARD. Actual e-mail:
Dear The Red Sox,
I kind of promised this girl I would get her a sack of Johnny Damon's face hair. And, well, she's starting to wonder where that sack of face hair's at. I really like this girl (Suzanne, btw). Appreciate the help.
Can you blame the guy? What relationship isn't immensely enhanced by a bag of another man's whiskers?
This season a man in Oakland asked if Damon would help him propose to his girlfriend. Damon did it. The guy pretended he and his girlfriend had won an onfield picture with Damon, except the ring happened to be in Damon's glove. She said yes, though rumor is she was looking at Damon when she said it.
THE HEART. Damon, 31, leads the American League in hits, is third in average and has become arguably the best leadoff hitter since Rickey Henderson. "You just wind this kid up and let him go," says Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "He plays hurt. He knocks in runs. He sacrifices himself. What manager wouldn't love this guy?"