Subject Matter: Each student will finish the class with a commanding expertise in many disciplines.
Week 1: The Alibi and You
Week 2: Making the Most of Your Mug Shot
Week 3: The Language of Boosters For instance, when a booster says, "Son, I'd like you to be my accounting intern next summer," what he means is, "Son, the only counting you're going to be doing is Benjies in a FedEx envelope."
Week 4: Party Smarty For instance, a student always needs to know how far the drop is from the bathroom window to the garden.
Week 5: Math seminar When I say, "Make two lines," I don't want a bunch of head scratching. After that, the only damn subject I want to talk about is you jokers getting enough wins to get me into Augusta National.
Points System: Against Notre Dame? I'd take us and the points. But that's just me.
Grades: The instructor gets an $800,000 bonus if he graduates 50% of his players any year, so if you think I'm flunking you, you're crazier than a glue-sniffing wombat. I grade on the curb: All you have to do is drive up in your Escalade and I'll give you your A through the window.