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Extra Credit: Students can earn extra credit by a) mentioning Reebok in any interview; b) making that rich-boy Vanderbilt QB cough up his spleen; c) rewriting my r�sum� before those snoops at the Tribune find out about it.
Demerits: Students will earn demerits for going anywhere near my 17-year-old daughter, Luleen. (Don't think you won't end up in a Hefty bag.) And for talking to that nosy little bastard from thesmokinggun.com, who won't let this damn paternity thing of mine go.
Makeup Exams: Students can make up any exam they want. Or they can take mine. It's patterned after Jim Harrick's basketball tests at Georgia last year. Sample questions: 1) The chinstrap goes where? 2) Which quarter comes first? 3) True or false: There's no wrong answer.
Lab: Each student will be required to participate in the recruiting lab. Thanks to those dumb-asses at Colorado, our labs aren't going to be like they used to be. Right now, we're down to one midnight Bible-study session a month. And even then, Mr. Rule Boy eighty-sixed my idea for A Return to Gomorrah.
Attendance Policy: Tardiness will result in you running about 1,000 stadium steps, followed by you revisiting your last three meals plus a Moon Pie you ate in ninth grade.
Tutoring: As usual, the lovely Silver Bells hostess group will be available for students' needs anytime between midnight and six.