In America's unending effort to make the life of a college football player easier than that of an oil sheik's cat, schools are now giving players college credit simply for being on the team.
The Washington Post just found out that 11 of the AP's Top 25 give credit for playing football, including Florida State, Nebraska and Ohio State. Buckeyes can repeat the course up to five times and earn up to 10 credits.
Some schools even give grades. At Kansas State last spring, 84 of the 91 players got A's from the "instructor"--coach Bill Snyder--who is probably the only teacher in the faculty lounge making more than $1 million a year.
None of the schools I contacted would give me much information on the football class, nor the requirements to pass it--until I came across the friendly folks at ShoeDeal State, who sent me the course syllabus.
Instructor: Coach Charlie (Chaw) Sweetzer.
Instructor Office Hours: Instructor is available at the office most days, unless I'm at Whispers Gentlemen's Club. Or over at Turquoise's apartment. Last resort, see if I'm at home.
Instructor's Supervisor: It's that damn backstabbing NCAA compliance geek, Mr. Rule Boy, the little guy with the cardigan and the bow tie. Like to see him take the 5:15 right in the back someday.
Course Objective: Each student will be involved in a semesterlong group project, which is to whomp on the rest of these Wonderbra-wearing teams, go about 12--0, get us that big ugly crystal ball, then knock on the front door of the Chi Omega sorority with that bad boy. See if that doesn't impress Kimberly Sue.
Required Reading: The roll-up zone, the stunt blitz, and you better damn well know if that nickel is cheating up on the weak side. Oh, and if you lose the playbook, I won't make you work the tackling sled, you'll be the tackling sled.